ian macdougall, guitarist and punk extraordinaire of the Riverboat Gamblers was in a car crash on october 17, and he is in the hospital. he's pretty fucked up, but he'll live. unfortunately, he is currently amassing a shitload of hospital bills, so go to their myspace or facebook to find the link to donate to the HELP IAN fund so he doesn't have to be in debt forfuckingever.

yesterday was the sixth anniversary of the end of truly important singer-songwriters. six years ago yesterday, elliott smith was found dead by his girlfriend, with two stab wounds in his chest. it is unclear whether the death was suicide. some speculate his girlfriend murdered him. i don’t care either way. all that matters to me is that he’s gone and he will never write another song.
after weeks of planning to honor him, i forgot. i didn’t realize it until today, but on top of forgetting, i also had a pretty bad day. i found out i needed glasses, the music room was closed, there was a fire drill during my free period, i started intensely disliking many of the people i am supposed to be friends with, and i tried to talk about it with someone who didn’t, will never, and can never respond. then i came home and was depressed for what felt like practically no reason. it was like the universe was saying "this is the day elliott died. he was one of few who understood the unfathomable infinity and sadness, and therefore, i am not going to try to make today work. those of you who know his music will understand, and i am sorry if your day sucks because of it, but i can’t get out of bed today because i am huddled here with my head under the covers, trying not to cry.”
or maybe that’s just me.

its after midnight right now. it seems like everything you've ever done comes back and hits you around this time of night. everything. the good, the bad, the stupid, the regretted, and the things you never did or the ones you wish you could do, and you wonder why your life is the way it is and if you could have done anything to change it. but you can't, of course, so what's the use? there isn't any. you just lie in bed wondering.

its after midnight, which means today is tomorrow. but i don't want it to be tomorrow. tomorrow means im one day closer to reentering the rat race, going back to classes and teachers and not understanding and understanding too much and wishing for someone to understand the things i think without me explaining them until they dont mean anything. i wish. i spend far too much of my time wishing. i wish i didnt wish so much.

its after midnight. i should be asleep, but im not. im writing things that will probably never be read, like father mckenzie and every angst-ridden wannabe-teen-rockstar who ever lived. but maybe angst-ridden wannabe-teen-rockstars arent such a bad thing. maybe they're the last chance at wishing. little kids have no idea that maybe their dreams wont come true, and maybe the kid with the eyeliner and the comics and the guitar sitting in their room past midnight writing a blog is the last one dreaming and wishing. the last little kid. maybe once you get past that point, you give up on dreams and wishes.

its after midnight. i dont know if i want anyone to read this anymore. maybe its just meant to be my thoughts translated into html and thrown around in the anti-gravity of cyberspace, not attracting anything. i think i can live with that.

its after midnight.
love and awesome (and peace, and understanding),
lilly lionised

i just realised that my background says "lionized" and everything else says "lionised". FUCK!

so you know that old nursery rhyme, one two buckle my shoe? ive written an inappropriate version:

one two, fuck you
three four, you're a whore
five six, get your fix
seven eight, date raped
nine ten, to hell again!

well now. wasn't that fun? i was gonna continue, but then i realised that practically nothing rhymes with twelve. elve, shelve, delve...that's all i got.

and now for something completely different. why IS american cheese called american cheese? and more importantly, what is it actually? apparently in canada its called canadian cheese. having never been to canada, i cant verify this, but its what ive heard.
but its like this weird wobbly yellow stuff that looks slightly like plastic and tastes a little like it, and it kind of scares me. i wonder if theres a word for that. fear of chemical cheese? faux-fromage-aphobia...

like i said, i need to get more sleep.

love and awesome
lilly lionised

so. im lilly. this is not my real name, because the point of this blog is to be as little about me as possible. i dont know how well that will work, but im gonna give it a shot.

this blog doesnt really have a set point, other than "decrease suck/increase awesome" (insert nerdfighter gesture, and if you dont know what that is go to www.youtube.com/vlogbrothers right freaking now). im gonna talk about pretty much whats on my mind, which could be anything from new music to a debate on world religions (which would be a slightly schizo thing to do because its just me here...) to why the $%&*!@ is american cheese called cheese (something it clearly is not). this is a random, anonymous place for me to brainbarf and put awesome into the world.

hopefully, some people will read this. hopefully, ill make some people think. whatever happens, happens, it doesnt much matter.

love and awesome,
lilly lionised

Labels: decrease suck, increase awesome, introductifications, lilly lionised, nerdfighters, vlogbrothers